I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
ugly people sure do ruin things
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
