I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
