I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
