im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
