so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
