I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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