dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
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Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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