girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
