I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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