dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
