You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
