i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize