shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
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He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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