I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
