I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You're like the curious george of whores
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
