explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
