Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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