that's an acceptable place to lick
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
