I met the friendliest cop last night
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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