YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
