hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
i need some magic done to my vagina
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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