pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
