Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
