these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Randomize
