I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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