i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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