what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
