somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
