And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We got so high we made milksteak
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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