i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
