Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
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The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
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I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I think my nap took me to another dimension
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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