The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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