i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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