Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
