Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize