I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
