He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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