Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
