the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Are my feet made of real feet?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
