Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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