I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
