dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize