The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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