its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
