Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
