may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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