his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
