do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
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