sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
