My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
