There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
