Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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