I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
