I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
