i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Can you bring me the toilet please
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
