I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
