I hate your face
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
