I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
So many bounce houses so little time
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
