I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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