i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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