he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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